if it happens
Hypothetically- If it happens- it was well-thought out. People like to think of endings as impulsive- dramatic, immediate, catastrophic. Often, however- they simply arrive quietly. The slow build-up of exhaustion mistaken for resilience by everyone watching from the outside. Her days have been moving with the peculiar sense that everything has already happened- a déjà vu. She has thought about it before. As a teenager, she romanticised disappearance in the way lonely young people often do. But back then- there was still performance in it. A desire to be witnessed. To interrupt the indifference of those around her with something impossible to ignore. She had left the bathroom door ajar- and, the cat had wandered in. Curious. It was in the way he looked at her with those bright green eyes- the way he mewed and jumped onto the rim of the bathtub to play around curiously with the water. She had gotten out, dried herself up, and gone downstairs to feed him. She watched, as he ate his f...